So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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