hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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