How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
