okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
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He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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