hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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