Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
did i walk over a car last night?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
