you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
