If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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