1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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