I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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