You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
