Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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