checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
