there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
