we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize