Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
