cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
