all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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