Just cropdusted the office
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
