Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize