i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
