he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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