he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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