Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
