i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He has the fingertips of a God
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