neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize