The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is wine microwaveable?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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