My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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