So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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