Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
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The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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