i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
