I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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