Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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