Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
