My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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