we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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