so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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