Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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