How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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