Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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