lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
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dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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