I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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