When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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