also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
