Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
