Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
