Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
