i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you never un-have a 4some
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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