ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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