i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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