I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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