I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
