i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I will die if light touches me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
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