Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
