Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
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He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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