i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
