I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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