He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
