after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize