Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
